I am sitting in the basement with my poor little Sammy boy who has thrown up so many times today we have lost count. It is 10:30 pm. He is asleep on the couch and I am worrying about him since he is having a hard time keeping anything down. My poor family. We have been sick a lot lately. Brian and I both had the most horrendous cold last weekend. Since we moved into our new home in the middle of December, I have only been able to go to church 3 times because I have been sick or one of our kids has been sick and I have stayed home with them. I just feel so tired and run down. It has been really hard.
I was thinking about 2009 and figured out that 3 times during the year I had to recover for 2 months at a time from giving birth, having bladder surgery, and having a hysterectomy. So, that's 6 months out of 1 year that my body spent recovering. That is a lot to go through in a year physically and emotionally. 2009 was a really hard year for me, especially the emotional trauma of having to have a hysterectomy. It's hard for me to even think about it. It makes me really sad. I have some medication that helps me with that, but it is still hard for me to accept that I will never - in this life - have another little tiny baby and that my body is broken in a way that cannot be fixed.
This scripture has new meaning to me:
Matthew 9:20-22
"And, behold, a woman who was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment. For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole. But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort, thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour."
I believe in Jesus Christ and that He lives. Because of His resurrection, my body will be made whole again and I will be able to have children again in the eternities. Even though I am crying, just knowing that gives me comfort and peace. My body is the way it is for a reason. My trials will strengthen me and teach me. Everything will be okay. I just have to remember to have faith and trust Him, even though it is really, really hard right now.
